Work Through Failure

How to overcome and reframe the big "f" word.

The F word that truly strikes clear in every soul’s heart. The word that creates a beguiling contrast with its sister, Success. Because while Success is desired, fantasized upon, and lusted after, Failure on the other hand is feared, considered repulsive, and in some cases arrogantly ignored. When in truth it is Success that is deep down secretly feared in all of us. This is why failure matters. In truth, it is failure that keeps us company every single day. What day has gone by with absolute, zero margins for error, perfection? An easy truth but hard to accept. So how do we work through failure?

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frighten us." - Marianne Williamson “A Return To Love”

Unfortunately, fortunately – it’s true. Sometimes the things closest to us are the hardest to have a relationship with. How many families do you know are all accepting, loving, and enjoying each other’s company without conflict? And still also very hard for us to accept the breadth of knowledge and healing such an experience can provide us. It is the things closest to us that are meant to evoke challenge and ultimately progress in our lives. If not for a challenge there would be no growth.

So how do we remedy our distaste for such a constant in our life? Things that are constant in our lives that we focus a lot of energy around we have two big choices: sufocate under the pressure of its existance or diminish its power by navigating through it. Essentially one needs to accept it instead of giving up so much energy to avoid it and work around it.

Working Through Our Failures

When we think we're escaping failure by doing nothing or staying "safe", we are expending more energy in the long run. So how do we work through failure in life and increase our return on investment?

• First things first REFRAME the word "failure": which is traditionally a word with lots of negative connotations, instead we have an opportunity to see failure as a stepping stone to success. We simply don't succeed unless we fail first.

• EMBRACE failure: get excited and start to look forward to opportunities to learn.

• REFOCUS: When we expend all our energy on what we distaste in the present it is because we are lacking a clear vision of our goals and aspirations.

Negative Thought Patterns & Corrections

It's important to know where negative thought and belief patterns may come from. It's in this way we can practice self-awareness while also furthering our self-development. Here are belief patterns in different key areas of our lives:

Self Love & Acceptance

• Negative thought patterns

  • I am not worthy

  • I'll never be good enough

  • I have nothing of value

  • I'm undesirable

• Corrected thought patterns

  • I am worthy

  • I am always enough

  • I take up space and am of value to the space I take up

  • I know what it feels like to be sought after, celebrated, and very worthy of it.

Manifestation & Gratitude

• Negative thought patterns

  • I'm cursed

  • Nothing good ever happens to me

  • I always get the shit end of the stick

  • Bad luck follows me

• Corrected thought patterns

  • I am blessed in the highest and best way

  • Everything that happens to me is an opportunity to heal and grow in my successes

Emotional Power & Control

• Negative thought patterns

  • Showing emotions is a weakness

  • I need to control my feelings

  • The tougher I am emotionally the better off I'll be

  • People only respect emotionally tough individuals

• Corrected thought patterns

  • Emotions are a natural part of who I am

  • My feelings are the truest compass to everything I need to know about myself

  • The more I embrace my feelings the easier it'll be to navigate the world and myself

  • Knowing myself is the greatest skill I can possess

Forgiveness & Understanding

These thought patterns are revolving around specific events, groups, people, and the self. The negative thought patterns that exist in relation to forgiveness and understanding can only be corrected by working on the other areas.

Duality & Balance

• Negative thought patterns

  • If I'm not a winner then I'm a loser

  • Feminine energy is weak

  • They aren't the same as us/me

  • There are good people and bad people in the world

  • If I make a mistake I am a bad person

• A very simple corrected thought pattern

  • All is one.

And there you have it! So remember for every fear of failure you have there is a root failure of success. Open yourself to the corrected thought patterns by simply saying "yes" and repeating them to yourselves. They may feel foreign, uncomfortable, and unnatural. The more open you are to change the negative thought pattern the more willing you'll be to ask yourself where the negative thought pattern came from and why the corrected thought pattern feels unsafe.

If you would like help working through this then contacting a trusted coach, mentor or guide is a wonderful option for support.

Click here to learn more about these and two more areas of progress and healing.