Defunking The Fire: Finding Motivation

6 Uncommon questions to ask yourself when you're feeling in a funk or demotivated.

We're going to break down six uncommon (and maybe unpopular) questions to help you reflect your way out of a funk and hopefully find motivation again - personally, the fifth one hits pretty close to home.

Why Is This So Important?

When we feel ambiguity or are overcome with emotional heaviness, we must ask ourselves meaningful questions. During distress, the right side of our brain, which is responsible for abstract thought and emotions, will light up. But, in some cases, the language center on the left side of the brain will quiet, which is mainly responsible for logic.

Self Awareness & Self Discovery Is The Key

Asking ourselves meaningful questions forces us to formulate words and draw in clarity, activating both of the side sides of the brain together, which ultimately can inspire really meaningful breakthroughs. Now, please remember that if you are feeling lost and in deep sadness with a sense of no way out, don't be afraid to reach out to a friend, a therapist, or someone you can trust for support and guidance.

More than half of my clients have therapists as well, including myself. I can tell you from the feedback and from my personal experience that having a therapist and a coach at the same time can be incredibly impactful. If you're struggling to find an affordable solution, definitely check out Better Help. I love the way they are set up. It's easy to start and get talking to someone quickly that is matched for you, ultimately taking out a ton of the guesswork.

Save Some Time

1: What Are You A Rebel About?

2: What Are You Fighting For?

3: Who Do You Want To Prove Wrong?

4: What Are You Ready To Prove To Yourself?

5: What Energizes You?

6: When Was A Time...?

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#1: What Are You A Rebel About?

Hmm. When I say rebel, I don't necessarily mean how the Resistance is against the Empire (no hate on Star Wars). Still, I am talking about walking to the beat of your own drum.

Sometimes we forget about the things we disagree with, which can inspire us to find breakthroughs and inspiration. Knowing our own opinions around something and understanding where those opinions come from helps fundamentally ground our values. Did something happen in your life where you felt the need to break the status quo? What values ignite?

#2: What Are You Fighting For?

Number two, what are you fighting for? Now you might think Pilar, and you just asked me what I'm rebelling against. Well, rebelling against something and actively fighting for something are two different things. How do you take those values that ignite within you from the first question and actively put them out there in the world?

How do you demonstrate change for what you believe in? Being clear about what we're fighting for allows us to recenter ourselves and brush the dust off our sense of purpose, ultimately inspiring how we want to show up in the world.

#3: Who Do You Want To Prove Wrong?

Number three, now you'll have time to tap into your shadow side extra. Who do you want to prove wrong? This may feel like a strange question, especially for folks who've worked hard to release attachments to toxic individuals or relationships with a judgmental hold on us. But the reality is that some of us need a jumpstart sometimes to remember who we are. There's nothing wrong with your shadow side.

To cope with our trauma, we might create safeguards and behaviors that help us be productive and show up despite the baggage of trauma. That's our "shadow side," and it's necessary for survival. Thinking of someone we want to prove wrong can ignite a centering fire that reminds us of our sense of self-worth and propels us forward.

And this doesn't have to be a person. It can be the status quo or the educational system. And then, of course, it can be your family, your ex-boyfriend, a friend who didn't believe in you, or even that guy who cut you off in traffic earlier. So who do you want to prove wrong?

What voices in your head that when it tells you you can't do it, you would love just to prove it wrong?

#4: What Are You Ready To Prove To Yourself?

Here we go. Number four, what are you ready to prove to yourself? Now, if you're in a funk, this may be harder to answer than other questions because you may not have it in you yet to want to prove anything to yourself - that's real. But it merits planting the seed! How will you take that ignited energy, when wanting to prove someone wrong, to fuel what it is you're ready to prove to yourself? Which becomes a much more important question at the end of the day.

#5: What Energizes You?

Now number five, what energizes you? We tend to overlook where we gather energy from in our energetic accounting. Most of us gather energy from external sources; praise from colleagues, project completion, validation from family members, etc. We can also sometimes gather energy from contentious situations.

When you've lived a life of hustle and survival, the fight instinct can be strong and ignite when you are in active contact with contention. But what happens if things start to shift? If relationships get better and the same hardships you had before started to soften, then the need for survival is no longer present. It becomes more about thriving, which can be a reason for feeling a dip in energy.

We may be confused about where to draw energy from because the landscape has shifted. When this happens, reflect on how you've been motivated to act with urgency in the past and where you would like to gather energy from instead. This is something that, ideally, you're gathering energy intrinsically from your own sense of worth, value, and purpose, which also feels a lot lighter and more blissful.

This is something I had to go through and still at times do because I spent a decade of my life hustling to survive as a single parent. But it energized me like nothing else because it made me feel like the alpha and a boss. But all that need to survive is gone. And now, I have no real urgency in my life except for the urgency around my purpose, which is to help others. Still, it can be tough to get motivated when I'm not putting out a million fires daily. And instead, I'm just expected to, like, enjoy my life? Like what? LOL.. okay moving on :)

#6: When Was A Time...?

And of course, last but not least, number six. Now, this isn't a question so much as an opportunity to reflect on when you felt at your best. Give yourself permission to remember a time when you felt the way you want to feel: confident, inspired/inspiring, respected, motivated, energized, or all of the above.

When we're in a funk, it can be tough to remember a time like this. And when you're in a deep funk, you can discount and purposely devalue times that were meaningful to you. Again, if you're struggling, don't hesitate to reach out to someone you can trust. This can be a friend, a therapist, a coach, or someone you know you've had a connection with in the past.

Conclusion

A lot of these questions can be brain teasers and force you to think about some things in different ways that make you uncomfortable. But those uncomfortable questions help us uncover what it is we're really working with. You don't have to have all the answers or put the pressure of healing yourself all in one go, but allowing yourself to plant some seeds for further self-awareness and enlightenment leads the way to better self-discovery and self-acceptance.

All right, you guys, that's all I got for you today. If you have any questions you like to ask yourself when you're feeling in a funk, please let me know in the comments section! I would love to hear them. I love you. You are amazing. You are already perfect. And you got this.